It's getting close to my bedtime, so I beg pardon if this has typos, grammatical errors, so on and so forth, but I was asked to complete it. Last night's discussion at ATXG had everyone in my area laughing. The laughter was brought on by two things, the sharing of whacked state laws and .... (cough) blonde jokes.
I'd like my stance on the blonde jokes to be an offensive one, but I just can't manage it because, sadly, so many of them are accurate!! It's even more sad when they have to be explained to a blonde who doesn't get them. (Guilty - sometimes.)
There's a set of photos on the web of several different cars with two things in common. Thank God my picture isn't in the set. I'll tell you why. Twenty-plus years ago, I was in a hurry. When I'm going somewhere I'm nearly always in a hurry. I stopped for gas. Filled my tank. Paid the bill. Left.
A mile up the road, some farmer pulls up next to me (while driving down a two lane road), rolls down his window and yells, "You're dragging a gas hose!!" I kept wondering why I was hearing clanking and kept seeing sparks flying up over the bed of my truck. (Sigh) Yes, the online photo set is picture after picture of cars/trucks/SUVs driving down the road with a gas nozzle stuck in the fuel port and a hose dragging along behind it. All of the drivers are oblivious, all are female and all are blonde.
For the record, I've never done that since. Just sayin' ....
When I was 13, I was skating with my sister (11), and our friend Dennis (12) on my Uncle's pond. The ice started slanting, and then ... CRACK!!! I was flipping and flapping and yelling for help. Dennis and Nee (Alicia) were scrambling across the ice to get to me, and after tugging on my sleeves and my overhaul straps, my sister suddenly straightened up, put her hands on her waist and said, "Good grief!! Get up!!! You're not drowning, the water's only up to your knees!!!" (Another sigh ... it really was only up to my knees.) And, yes ... Nee is a brunette. Figures.
All that being said, I'd rather leave the blonde jokes for people who have a deeper appreciation of them than I do. It was not a compliment when a cousin (who is also blonde, but not blonde-minded) one day looked at me and said, "Ange ... you're blonde to the brain." What could I say? She was right. I give up. It's me, and the whole lot of you have to live with it. She who laughs last .... (grin!)
Thankfully, there was another route to take for amusement which entailed the reading of the law. Mind you ... someone was paid taxpayer money to sit and come up with these absurdities. Allow me to enlighten you on how our money has been so well managed by state governments.
In Ohio, state law prohibits women from wearing patent leather shoes. It's also illegal to hunt whales in Ohio except on Sunday. Way to go Buckeyes! I lived near Sandusky as a kid, right above the beach at Lake Erie. In fact, I caught my very first fish there. A tiny little carp smaller than my four-year-old hand. And, for the life of me, I never remember seeing a single whale on any occasion when I was on the beach behind our house. So, if there are whales in Erie ... it's news to me.
Kentucky law says a person is sober as long as he/she is still able to hang on to the ground. I'm betting a Shiner wrote that one. Shiner's on the commonwealth's payroll. That one kinda makes sense, lol. Also, one may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale in Kentucky unless more than six are for sale at once. (I think the Shiner struck again - they really need to find a replacement for that guy!) There are a couple others that are so rank, I won't even include them, but can't help but wonder what caused them to even think to pass such laws.
For the Hoosiers, baths may not be taken between October and March. Are they kidding??? Did they not have any idea how DIRTY farmers can get??? (Easy answer to that one ... sometimes city folks are a bit clueless, so I can't help but assume someone from the city came up with that one.) Also, Hoosiers can get out of paying for a dependents medical care by praying for him or her. Uhhh ... ok. Do you get that one? I don't get it at all.
In Texas, when two trains meet each other at a crossroads, each must stop and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. (Smile!) Also, the entirety of the Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home. Brilliant!! As if loads of Euro families who immigrated here didn't bring their own brewing recipes with them when they crossed the pond.
In Kansas City, MO, installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited. It also shall be unlawful to provide beer, or other intoxicants, to elephants. I'm wondering how many drunken elphants it took to cause this law to be passed, and what those elephants did while they were loaded, and ... what color were they?
Ok, that's it for now. I've only picked on a few of the states/commonwealth that I've actually lived in. The rest I'll leave alone.
Sorry I didn't include blonde jokes. My brother-in-law posted several on facebook earlier so, if you're wanting a re-load you can go check his comment under my earlier post there.
I'm whipped and it's my bedtime.
Night everyone!
I'd like my stance on the blonde jokes to be an offensive one, but I just can't manage it because, sadly, so many of them are accurate!! It's even more sad when they have to be explained to a blonde who doesn't get them. (Guilty - sometimes.)
There's a set of photos on the web of several different cars with two things in common. Thank God my picture isn't in the set. I'll tell you why. Twenty-plus years ago, I was in a hurry. When I'm going somewhere I'm nearly always in a hurry. I stopped for gas. Filled my tank. Paid the bill. Left.
A mile up the road, some farmer pulls up next to me (while driving down a two lane road), rolls down his window and yells, "You're dragging a gas hose!!" I kept wondering why I was hearing clanking and kept seeing sparks flying up over the bed of my truck. (Sigh) Yes, the online photo set is picture after picture of cars/trucks/SUVs driving down the road with a gas nozzle stuck in the fuel port and a hose dragging along behind it. All of the drivers are oblivious, all are female and all are blonde.
For the record, I've never done that since. Just sayin' ....
When I was 13, I was skating with my sister (11), and our friend Dennis (12) on my Uncle's pond. The ice started slanting, and then ... CRACK!!! I was flipping and flapping and yelling for help. Dennis and Nee (Alicia) were scrambling across the ice to get to me, and after tugging on my sleeves and my overhaul straps, my sister suddenly straightened up, put her hands on her waist and said, "Good grief!! Get up!!! You're not drowning, the water's only up to your knees!!!" (Another sigh ... it really was only up to my knees.) And, yes ... Nee is a brunette. Figures.
All that being said, I'd rather leave the blonde jokes for people who have a deeper appreciation of them than I do. It was not a compliment when a cousin (who is also blonde, but not blonde-minded) one day looked at me and said, "Ange ... you're blonde to the brain." What could I say? She was right. I give up. It's me, and the whole lot of you have to live with it. She who laughs last .... (grin!)
Thankfully, there was another route to take for amusement which entailed the reading of the law. Mind you ... someone was paid taxpayer money to sit and come up with these absurdities. Allow me to enlighten you on how our money has been so well managed by state governments.
In Ohio, state law prohibits women from wearing patent leather shoes. It's also illegal to hunt whales in Ohio except on Sunday. Way to go Buckeyes! I lived near Sandusky as a kid, right above the beach at Lake Erie. In fact, I caught my very first fish there. A tiny little carp smaller than my four-year-old hand. And, for the life of me, I never remember seeing a single whale on any occasion when I was on the beach behind our house. So, if there are whales in Erie ... it's news to me.
Kentucky law says a person is sober as long as he/she is still able to hang on to the ground. I'm betting a Shiner wrote that one. Shiner's on the commonwealth's payroll. That one kinda makes sense, lol. Also, one may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale in Kentucky unless more than six are for sale at once. (I think the Shiner struck again - they really need to find a replacement for that guy!) There are a couple others that are so rank, I won't even include them, but can't help but wonder what caused them to even think to pass such laws.
For the Hoosiers, baths may not be taken between October and March. Are they kidding??? Did they not have any idea how DIRTY farmers can get??? (Easy answer to that one ... sometimes city folks are a bit clueless, so I can't help but assume someone from the city came up with that one.) Also, Hoosiers can get out of paying for a dependents medical care by praying for him or her. Uhhh ... ok. Do you get that one? I don't get it at all.
In Texas, when two trains meet each other at a crossroads, each must stop and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. (Smile!) Also, the entirety of the Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home. Brilliant!! As if loads of Euro families who immigrated here didn't bring their own brewing recipes with them when they crossed the pond.
In Kansas City, MO, installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited. It also shall be unlawful to provide beer, or other intoxicants, to elephants. I'm wondering how many drunken elphants it took to cause this law to be passed, and what those elephants did while they were loaded, and ... what color were they?
Ok, that's it for now. I've only picked on a few of the states/commonwealth that I've actually lived in. The rest I'll leave alone.
Sorry I didn't include blonde jokes. My brother-in-law posted several on facebook earlier so, if you're wanting a re-load you can go check his comment under my earlier post there.
I'm whipped and it's my bedtime.
Night everyone!
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